Timelessly Practical Utensils

Here is an essay on spoons I finished today. I think it turned out OK, so here it is.

Spoons. Rather insignificant devices. Or maybe not. In fact, they are the basis of modern society. Yes, there may be a couple in the kitchen, but there aren't that many, right? But there are that many. They infest the earth like ants, only they are serviceable tools, not useless pieces of plastic and metal that clutter.
Because there are so many types of food, it naturally follows that there are many kinds of utensils to match. On the other hand, not all spoons are used for cooking. Take the dreaded 'spanking' spoon for example. I'm sure we all have vivid memories of that wooden—maybe it was plastic, or even metal—spoon; hideous exaggerations buried deep in the archives of our brains. Fortunately, there are merry crystal ladles, homely measuring spoons, and delicate tea-straining spoons to blot out unwanted recollections past. Making their homes in the kitchen, the sandbox, the dining room, the occasional toy box, the office (coffee stirring spoons of course, but they have largely been replaced by plastic coffee straws as of late), trains, restaurants, grocery stores, malls... It's almost frightening how wide-spread they are. If they decided to take over the world—but let's not get into that. All this goes to show just how many different types of spoons there are, and how widespread they are.
There must, of course, be a use for every spoon out there, and, like most anything, proper use is sometimes abused. It may be surprising, but certain spoons make a quite au fait rapiers. If mechanized properly, with adequate skill and knowledge, they can serve as devastatingly effective catapults. Although this is not commonly known, spoons can also serve as a capable nose-guards. Cooking would become immediately impossible without spoons, and it's excruciating to even ponder life without soup-spoons. Obviously, if used liberally, they can make gorgeous jewlery—earrings, nose-rings, belly-rings, necklaces, bracelets and the like. It may come as a surprise, but even a card game was named after these extremely helpful tools. Plastic spoons make great digging implements if you don't have access to a shovel (for example: in a prison).
But, believe it or not, spoons have their shortcomings and dark sides. What could possibly be wrong with spoons? Well, when a spoon is needed—and it doesn't matter what for—They are nowhere to be found. They are dirty and are in the dishwasher, lost in the garbage disposal, scattered outside, or entombed in the trashcan. Sadly, sometimes soup-spoons develop blemishes, holes, and other weak spots. As with most small objects, they can also be a choking hazard, and if lost down the garbage disposal, they are prone to ruin the motor by jamming the blades. A most annoying dilemma.
The spoon is a timelessly practical utensil that will never see an end of new uses and variations. Spoons will indefinitely outlive civilization. Surprisingly, many people do not realize the power they have over modern day society. Indeed, the entire culinary industry rests in the hands of these small indented little devices. Soup-consumption would become barbarically messy, not to mention the eating of other such foods like ice-cream, yogurt, pudding, and Jello. Although they have their weak spots and shortcomings, spoons are foundational to our lives.